Fall Finds
by LilyGhost
Summary: After abandoning a walk, Stephanie returns home with more than she bargained for.
1. Chapter 1

**All familiar characters and events belong to Janet. The mistakes are solely mine. **

I'm typically an anti-exercise,_ any _type of exercise_, _person ... but there's something about Fall that makes walking seem fun rather than a legitimate form of cardio. The cool breeze smells fresher than during any other time in Jersey, so I don't even mind that it makes me pull my coat tighter to me. The crunching of leaves I keep causing while walking on the side of the road, isn't a sound that can be duplicated or accurately described for that matter. And the colors feel almost overwhelming when you first step outside in the morning ... from the blue in the sky to the red, orange, and yellow, leaves still on the trees. Those colors are only heightened by a sun that sits a little less cockily in the sky than it had in summer.

One reason Fall is my favorite season - besides getting to celebrate Halloween soon - the bright, in-your-face colors are a welcome relief from the dull, stuck-in-the-seventies ones I'm stuck living with everyday of every season in my apartment. I watched a red leaf fall off the tip of a branch, only to be immediately caught on a breeze that had it taking a good thirty seconds to land smack dab in the middle of the street. My mind and attention were so willing to be distracted, I didn't notice the sound of a vehicle creeping up behind me until the shiny, black Porsche Turbo rolled to a stop right beside me.

"Your car didn't break down," Ranger said, after he powered the passenger's window down so he could talk to me.

"No. It's in my lot. Crappy as always, but still functioning as far as I know."

"Then why are you walking? The only time I've known you to exercise on your own is when the wearing of a sexy dress is required or a psychopath is chasing you."

"Or when the weather's good and I'm feeling the need for a little fresh air. Plus, after an hour at Mary Lou's with _all _of her boys home, I needed some extra quiet time before getting back to my day."

He didn't look like he believed me. "What's going on?" He asked.

"Nothing. I promise. I just like this time of the year and decided today to enjoy it."

He popped the locks. "I'll give you a ride the rest of the way home."

Feeling playful, I grinned at him but started walking again. "During a rare parenting-moment, my mother told me never to get into a car with a stranger."

Not missing a beat or one of my steps, he kept his vehicle with me as we continued to talk.

"You've seen me naked, Babe. And spent considerable time kissing me and my body after I was. I hardly think that makes me a 'stranger'."

"You'd be surprised."

He just looked at me for a beat. "Get in," he finally said.

Since he went ahead and opened the car door for me, I figured it'd be rude to make him have to close it again, so I slid onto the already heated seat.

"Were you checking up on me? Or just heading in this direction and happened to spot me?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Well, here I am. What's up?"

He pulled back into what little traffic there was on Hamilton Avenue, but he didn't speak until I did.

"Okay, now you're worrying me. What happened? And how serious is it?"

"Depends who you ask," was his response.

Not exactly the reply I was hoping for.

"I'm asking _you_. And I'm going to be attached to your Porsche's seat until you start talking, so you might as well park and kill the engine when we reach my place."

I got even more concerned when he actually did what I said. Less than a minute later, he turned into my lot, parked by the back entrance of my apartment building, and shut the Turbo off before turning his upper half towards me.

He remained silent even then, which forced me to talk even more. "Ranger?"

"It's been brought to my attention that I may need to take a few days off," he told me.

I snorted in disbelief. "Yeah, right. _No one_ would even hint that you should do something you weren't already planning to do. And you're like a machine ... you _never _stop working. I'm not even sure you're physically capable of taking a break even though you definitely deserve one."

"It wasn't an order. It was a concerned request from a friend."

My stomach instantly knotted as I connected the few dots I'm being given. "Tank's worried about you?"

"It appears so."

"Pocket your keys. This is a conversation that needs a couch, even a crappy one like I have upstairs. Come on."

He paused, but then nodded. We both got out and after he beeped his car locked, I curled an arm around his waist and then leaned the rest of my body into his side as he led us to the elevator and up to my apartment. We didn't say anything until I opened my door and I heard his jacket crinkle as he sat down on my couch. I dumped my shoulder bag and coat on my counter and plopped down next to him, tucking my legs up underneath me so I'd be facing him. I didn't care if the soles of my Cat boots left damp spots on my ass or the cushion. All that matters right now is Ranger.

"What got Tank speaking up?" I asked him.

"I almost killed one of our FTAs today during an apprehension."

I couldn't breathe for a full ten seconds. Ranger's control is _legendary_. Even when he's pissed, he'll just calmly kick a door in and act like he was just politely invited inside for tea. I know he's killed people. I unfortunately even had to witness it firsthand when I got in a little over my head a couple of times. But to almost kill someone in a way that bothered both he and Tank ... scared the shit out of me.

"Can you fill me in on the details?" I asked, not wanting to push but needing him to know that I'm here to listen to anything he feels he has to get out of his system.

"One year ago today, the building my men and I had just seized after an hours-long fight, got hit with an RPG shortly after. Half of my team were gone in the span of one suspended breath. Not for my lack of trying to save each and every one of them though, despite knowing on some level that there was no hope of sending them home in anything other than coffins."

"Oh God, Ranger. I'm so sorry, not only for your loss, but that you had to see it. No wonder Tank wants you to take a break. This _is_ serious. You shouldn't be doing anything more than just getting through today."

"Tank wants me offline and off the job so I don't hurt anyone unnecessarily, Babe, myself included. That's not the same thing as being offered a designated day to grieve. _I _sidelined _myself _because I couldn't promise him that a switch wouldn't get flipped before I can stop it."

"So you're … what? Getting physically away from the job?"

"Yes. One, to put space between myself and the general public until I get myself back under control. Two, to have time to reprocess the deaths I somehow survived and beat back the guilt that comes along with that, so one asshole with a big mouth won't get my Glock immediately shoved into it. If Tank hadn't stepped in, not collecting a capture fee would be the least of Rangeman's problems."

My breath hissed out of fear. "Alright. So you came to see me so you could talk to someone about this? Or you were just going to let me know that you're purposely going quiet so I can worry a little less? Though I really don't think you should be alone right now."

"I'm glad you said that. I decided to head to one of our safe houses for a few days and I was wondering if you'd be interested in keeping me company?"

"Ummm ..."

That was all I could manage as my mind ran through all the possible ramifications of leaving Trenton with him. It's not that I'm scared _of him_, I'm terrified _for him _... and also for myself. I have no defense against - or resistance to - Ranger. I have even less when I'm left alone with him.

He must have felt that my silence is working against him and decided to go persuasive on me.

"If you're enjoying Fall here, the safe house borders a state forest so you can be surrounded by even more dramatic foliage. The grounds are technologically-laced with all the cutting edge toys Hector has come up with, so you can sleep with the windows wide open without worrying about a psycho crawling through them. And once Ella heard that I would be heading here to see you, she wrapped up a pan of Caramel Apple Cinnamon Rolls that you can eat while sipping hot cocoa tonight as we relax on a deck half-overhanging a small lake."

That got my attention for a number of reasons. "I didn't smell any snacks while I was in your car," I pointed out.

I like to believe that I'm a connoisseur of snacks. I would've known there was something cinnamony in my immediate vicinity.

"I had Ella put them in an animal-proof cooler so neither _bears _nor _Babes _could detect the scent of them. I wanted you to say yes because of me, not the food I brought along."

"That was a gamble," I teased to lessen the weight of what is riding on this moment.

"I would've used them shamelessly and without remorse if you had said '_No_' outright. Since you haven't yet, I'll add that if you do come with me, I will become less of a stranger to you that you suggested I was before finally getting into my car."

"But the tidbits I've gotten since I've known you, have me wondering if that's really a good idea."

"Because you don't trust that I'll never hurt you?"

"No. Your goal in life seems to be making sure no harm comes to me. I'm more worried that by the end of a weekend alone with you, you'll have me caring _even more _about you ... in a way I won't be able to recover from if Monday morning you're feeling better and want to go right back to just being _overly-familiar _friends."

"Since you brought it up, ask yourself this, Steph. Am I really the one who wants us to remain unattached?" He asked.

Guess he's not so upset he forgot about a few of my dumber moments.

"You said your life doesn't lend itself to relationships," I said, trying to deflect. "And something about a ring not being needed when it comes to us, but a condom would be good. I'm paraphrasing, but I got the gist that _a good time _was preferred over a _lifetime_."

"Since you remember those comments, do you also happen to recall the number of times afterwards I've admitted I've thought of marrying you, and expanded on that by saying I've pictured what being married to you would be like? Correct me if I'm wrong here, but we even pretended to be married for a job and neither of us had any complaints about our time playing house except that Morelli showed up and ended it. But you've never once given me any indication that something serious with me is something you'd ever seriously consider. Spending time with me was alright if you were being threatened or feeling flirty, but you always went home without a promise for more."

"Looks like we're both pretty messed up."

"A weekend away could help us clear some stuff up," he pressed.

"Or we could just end up hurting each other more."

"If I'm being honest, the only times I've hurt more than I had this day last year, was when my daughter was kidnapped because of her connection to me, and those scares where I thought you'd been taken and likely already killed before I could find you. What does that tell you?"

"That you care a lot about those you let in. And that just made up my mind for me. Let me go get a bag packed. I'll be back in a minute."

His body went still. "You're agreeing to come away with me?"

"Yes. You've always been there when I've needed you. I wouldn't be much of a friend if I chose to let you suffer alone. I can't take away the pain you're in for something that isn't your fault, nor something you could've single-handedly prevented, but I can sit beside you - possibly even hold you - while you're dealing with it."

"Are you only accompanying me as a friend?"

"Not exactly. I'm quickly cramming things into a bag, calling Tank to tell him you're safe with me and to send someone for Rex, and I'm getting back into your car with no questions asked, as a friend ... but more importantly as the woman who loves you yet is too much of a wimp to admit it."

He leaned in closer. "You're admitting it now."

"I guess I am. _Sooooo _... what're you gonna do about it?"

He kept up eye contact as his head moved inch-by-slow-inch to mine, telling me without words that I can stop him at anytime without him getting mad at me. I'm more focused on _encouraging _him than cooling what's suddenly heating up between us. When he realized I'm not about to pull away, he slid all ten fingers into my curls and brought me the rest of the way to him. I was already parting my lips before I felt the warmth of his breath against me as his mouth was settling over mine. I thought it was going to be a hot and hungry kiss, all tongue and impatient hands. But while our tongues were definitely involved, he took his time kissing me ... like we have all the time in the world.

Yeah ... we still have lots of things to discuss, and there's a painful memory and anniversary we have to get him through, but maybe this kiss is his way of showing me that we _do _have whatever time we need, because from here on in _and _out ... we'll be together for just about every minute of it.


	2. Chapter 2

**All familiar characters and phrases belong to Janet. The inevitable mistakes are all mine.**

**Chapter 2**

Tank answered before the first ring had even finished. Of course he would, since it's Ranger's cell I was using to call him.

"How're you doing?" He asked.

"I'm actually doing great now. Thanks for asking," I told Ranger's BFF.

"_Stephanie?_"

"Yeah."

"You have access to Ranger's phone?"

_Shit_. I should've known that would worry him. Stupid rookie mistake.

"Ranger's doing alright enough to let me mess with you a bit by allowing me to call you on the Batline," I quickly told Tank. "I just wanted to tell you that he is with me in all ways, and we're actually going away together for the weekend. Can you get someone to take care of Rex for me? I'm not about to subject the Boss to my family or I'd just drop my roommate off with Grandma Mazur on our way out of Trenton."

"Babe."

I flashed my eyebrows at Ranger. "_What? _What you need is peace right now, not more crazy ... which is what my family is."

"I'll handle it," Tank told me.

"Handle _him_ you mean," I corrected. "Rex isn't an _it_."

"You watch over Ranger and I'll take care of the rat."

That's about all I'm going to get with Tank. My hamster may not get the respect he deserves, but at least I know he'll be kept alive while I'm gone.

"I was planning on taking excellent care of Ranger regardless ... but thanks for babysitting Rex while I do."

Tank paused and I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. To call him 'quiet' would be an understatement as big as he _and _his presence are, but I can literally feel the heaviness of his silence now.

"_Tank?_" I pressed.

"Don't let anything happen to him," he said after another weighted pause.

"Nothing bad will happen to him on my watch. I promise."

I can see him nod in my mind, which is good I guess because he disconnected without warning or any kind of recognizable goodbye. I figured the mental head-bob was probably his way of saying '_It was nice speaking with you, Ms. Plum. Have a lovely weekend_'.

"I'm putting in a formal request that Rangeman start making classes on phone etiquette mandatory," I said to Ranger.

"He's worse than my mother at times," he replied, picking up the bag I'd crammed half of my closet and three-quarters of my bathroom sink into.

"As people have said about me, you've given him plenty of opportunities to worry. Your entire life is an emergency response call."

"I haven't heard my career described that way before, but it's fairly accurate."

He opened my door and waited for me to pass him and head into the hall.

I had one thing to do before I left. "Rex, _please _be a good guy. Okay? _DO NOT _bite anyone, no matter how annoying Lester gets."

I know I'll be getting a text by Saturday afternoon with a picture of Lester holding Rex and him captioning it with something that's going to bug me, that will then lead to Ella texting that Lester's only joking and that Rex is fine. I wanted to head that three-way conversation off by telling Rex to behave. My hamster has never listened to me before, but as today's proven ... there's a first time for everything.

Ranger stashed my bag hopefully where my caramel apple rolls are hiding in his trunk and started the engine.

"Do I need to be blindfolded for the drive ahead?" I asked, just to keep the mood as light as I could.

I can see a small smile lurking in his eyes. "No. There are so many back roads to navigate, you won't be able to find the house even if you have my GPS guiding you."

After the thirty-three minute drive, I realized that he hadn't been kidding like I'd been. We were parking in the driveway for the safe house two seconds after my brain even registered that there's actually a house here. No surprise, Ranger was right. If the trees changing from plain 'ol green to multiple reds, yellows, and oranges, can make even Trenton look almost decent for one month out of the year, this place is a page ripped straight outta one of Lisa's storybooks.

I can literally smell the possibilities on the cool breeze. Normally, the unexpected sound of branches snapping in a wooded area would have me reaching for my gun and my cell so I could call Ranger because someone's after me again. _This time_, I smiled at the deer darting away from the meal we seem to have interrupted, and I linked fingers with Ranger after he opened and then closed the car door for me.

We clearly differ on what's important in life. He made sure to grab the bag I threw together, while I went immediately for the supposed 'Babe/bear'-proof cooler. I tried to look at everything at once, but there's too much surroundings for me to be totally aware of ... and that's just _the outside_. If this is how Rangeman witnesses are put up, I'm tempted to make up a new gang or psycho stalking me just to be able to hang out here a little longer.

This lake house isn't a log cabin, but its siding is obviously wood that's been stained or painted a tree trunk color so it completely disappears into the woods at night. The trim being painted a dark green that reminds me of the needles on a Christmas tree, helped with the home's camouflage. In a weird way, this house could be called the property version of Ranger ... mysterious, private, and totally off every radar. The foliage-filled forest around the home on the other hand, is more like me ... loud, hard to hide, and all but screaming '_Don't I look great in bright colors?!_'

"Any chance the rent for this place is the same as what I try to give Dillon every month for my crappy apartment?" I said to Ranger. "You weren't kidding about it being right on a lake. It's not a beach house sitting on a tropical island, but it's still better than anything I've seen since my last escape to Point Pleasant."

"I'd say the house is yours if you want it, but it's too far away from my place in Trenton," Ranger told me.

My eyes took another tour of his property. "We're smart people. I'm sure we can work out a solution that can make us both happy."

"You haven't even seen the inside yet, Babe," he pointed out.

I shrugged. "Only one way to fix that," I said, and stepped to the side so he could unlock the front door.

As I predicted, the inside's even better than what I saw outside. Ranger's penthouse in the Rangeman building is so high-tech and bordering on sterile, it makes you feel safe while you try to appear as sophisticated and professional as the space warrants. But this home, even with similar calm colors, feels like a comforting hug. There are bulletproof windows here too, but almost all of them are looking out over a lake with only ripples from an occasional fish messing up the mirror-like surface. The sky's darker than what I was walking under in Trenton, but it's still blue and punctuated with puffy clouds that thankfully aren't filled with rain, or God forbid the s-word ... _snow_.

The house definitely feels masculine, with multiple shades of brown being used and almost as much wood on the floors, doors, and whittled down into ceiling beams, but everything is a much lighter shade of the typically crappy color. The cozy blankets thrown over the arm of the couch and one Rangeguy-sized armchair, had me wanting to curl up under them and beside my Range Man and just hibernate until winter's a month past being over.

"Would you like a tour of the upstairs now or later?" Ranger asked me, seemingly amused at how easily I can picture us holing up here indefinitely.

"Later, I think. Since it's just the two of us, how about we do what you suggested earlier? I plate us up two or three of Ella's caramel apple rolls, we head out to the deck you tempted me with, and you can hold me as I stuff my face while you tell me about the men who have left such an impression on you."

I paused and studied him standing only a foot away from me.

"_Ooooor _we can just sit quietly and watch leaves fall into the water. That's an option, too," I offered a beat later.

"You'll get cold. As soon as the sun starts to set, the temperature drops quickly out here."

"I already thought of that. That's why I said you can be holding me ... to keep me warm."

He raised an eyebrow. "Is that the _only _reason?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

He must've been okay with that answer, because he pulled only _one _plate out of a cabinet that was above a stove I doubt I'd know how to turn on, never mind cook anything on or in.

"You don't know what you're missing," I told him, licking some caramel off my fingers as we went out the back door and stepped onto the deck overlooking what Mary Lou would say is a 'postcard perfect' scene.

There are tons more trees here, which means there are far more colored leaves than Hamilton Avenue could ever hope to produce. As the deer we scared and now a pissed off squirrel showed, there are actually animals in the state far cuter than disgusting apartment rats ... which Rex is _not _no matter how many times Ranger and Tank call him one. And though the air _has _become a little colder ... it immediately made me feel more awake, and I wouldn't say this to Ranger given today's anniversary ... but also more alive.

I had just put my bun-burdened plate down on the corner of a massive outdoor stone fireplace, when Ranger seized my wrist and gave it a gentle tug. I ended up exactly where I half-jokingly suggested I'd spend the evening sitting.

"How did you know I needed to take a load off?" I teased, getting a sudden case of nerves knowing that things are likely about to go from idyllic to heartbreakingly-real _real fast _now.

His arms tightened around me. "As you can see and feel, I'm not missing anything."

"Except your men," I whispered with a kiss to the underside of his jaw, wanting him to know that I meant what I said. I came here not only to spend time with him, but also to help him stop hurting any way I can. "You don't have to tell me anything about the mission, or any of the details on why they didn't make it home from it, if you don't want to. Maybe you can just tell me how they lived and what drove them to."

"Trying to make the world a better and safer place is what drives everyone I work with," he said after a quiet moment. "They did ... even if they didn't live to see the results of what they died accomplishing. I hunted down every member of the terror cell that played a part in that building's hit to make sure they didn't make it home either."

"That must've been horrible for you."

"It wasn't. I've never been happier to repeatedly pull a trigger."

I wasn't expecting that answer and I needed a second to process it.

"I'm not apologizing for doing what was needed," he told me before I had a chance to speak.

"I don't need one," I assured him. "I can't claim to understand what you've had to do over the years, I just want you to give me a chance to try. What do you remember most about your men?"

"Are you sure you want to listen to me reminisce?"

I wrapped my arms around as much of his muscled torso as I could hold onto. "Ranger, I can honestly say that nothing and no one could get me to move right now ... except _you_. Not only do I want to be with you, I want to learn everything I can about the man behind the legend. Getting to know the people important to you is part of that ... a large part _of you_."

He weighed my words and likely the truth behind them. He must have believed me, because he started to share a few memories.

"Torres was like Santos," he began. "A smartass who went for a laugh right up until his rifle was needed. Even then, he wasn't quiet unless our lives depended on it."

"Did he steal snacks like Lester does?" I asked, hoping to keep the images in his head from going too dark.

"No. That was Simon Butler. He not only raided everyone's MREs and stole all the good stuff out of them, he'd put some scary shit together to satisfy whatever twisted craving he had at the time. He once made a two-ingredient 'soup'. Hot sauce with M&M floaters. He had an iron stomach, which is useful to have on a battlefield. You can't be squeamish about bodily fluids when you're at war."

"He sounds like my kind of person," I said quietly so he'd keep talking. "_Snack-wise _anyway. I got a lot of crap for my peanut butter and olive or pickle sandwiches. That's actually normal compared to a spicy M&M soup."

"You two would have immediately hit it off, Steph. He had a sense of humor as odd as his taste in shit-food."

"You guys really liked each other, didn't you? I've heard the word 'buddy' tossed around when the guys swap war stories, but you all weren't just friends during a battle ... you were friends _period_."

"Yes. I didn't - and don't - work with people I don't trust. Putting my life in someone else's hands isn't easy, and it's not a decision I take lightly."

"Tell me about it. The only person I've trusted enough to call or go to whenever someone was after me is you. Second to you are the guys you personally vouch for."

"You would have been safe with this group of men as well," he assured me. "Not only did they all strive to put their bodies between evil and the innocent, they protected their own. If one man was deployed, anyone who was back in the states would look after the families of those who were away."

That got me thinking. "Wait ... when you were 'in the wind' right before the mission we're talking about, the Rangeguy I didn't recognize who put a hole in Blighten by the Dumpster in my lot when that rebonded asshole followed me home, was one of the guys we lost, wasn't he?"

"Yes. That was Samir Harris. He was busting my balls for being in love with a mere mortal woman, but he swore to take care of you when I couldn't. In our line of work, family isn't defined by blood ... it was grown from and sustained by the blood we've shed together. If my woman was in trouble, one or all were going to be there to help you out. It was the same for me. Many 'in the wind' instances involved flying across the country to attend a ballet recital for the then five-year-old daughter of Baxter Baines, a ninety-first birthday party for Roberto Cirus' grandmother, or just a personal visit to a bank or business looking to profit from another deployment so the family wouldn't have to worry about losing a utility or a home."

"So you not only protected your guys while you were all oversees ... you had to look after their families here?"

"Not _had to_, Babe. _Wanted to_. My loyalty isn't freely given. Each and every one of my men have earned it. From the start of my career, I made it a point to keep in touch with the families of those I served with ... wives, husbands, girlfriends, children, mothers, parents, and a feisty grandmother like yours in Cirus' case."

"I'm not surprised that you do. You don't just support people, you build _support systems_ everywhere you go. You know, there are times I really wish I could put my brain into someone else's body, just to see how a 'normal person' would deal with how I think and feel. I can only imagine how _you _handle everything you do with all you've gone through."

"Some days are easier than others. You just get up and get yourself through the day any way you can manage to. It's nighttime when there are no people or distractions that triple the difficulty level."

I shivered, not from the cold but from guilt ... picturing all the nights I haven't been there with - or for - him. I made a silent vow to myself that after today he'll never be alone again unless he needs to be. Being Ranger, he immediately jumped to being concerned about _my _well-being, never considering that I was being physically affected thinking about his.

"Come on, Babe. The wind's picking up and your body temperature is going down."

I sat up, a movement that had my behind pressing more firmly into him. I felt his reaction to the contact, but he didn't act on it. He didn't have to say it for me to know that asking me to come here with him is as far as he was going to test our new relationship today. Although the sun's not due back until the morning, I tried to read what was going on behind his eyes in the increasing darkness.

"I'm in your lap, Batman, do you honestly think my temperature _dropped _instead of it skyrocketing?"

"When all I've been doing to you is talking ... _yes_."

"At the risk of giving information to the enemy, the fact that you were so comfortable talking to me, is almost as sexy as what you do to me with your hands, mouth, and all the rest of your body parts."

"I've said in the past that there's no price for what we give each other. Tonight, I'm adding that there's absolutely no pressure. You came with me when you didn't have to, that's enough for now. I can take the couch or the bed in the spare room if you're not sure about sharing one with me right now."

It hit me just how much I love him. After the day - hell_ the year - _he's had, _my _comfort is what he puts before anything else ... not his own. _Never _his own, if I think about it. He'll see just how much that is about to change.

"Ranger, sleeping with you has never been the issue," I said to him, not expecting those particular words to be coming out of me. But as Grandma Mazur has said … _'In for a penny, in for a pound', _so I kept going. "Knowing that I wanted to do it every night for the rest of my life was the problem I didn't know how to solve."

His head lowered the couple of inches that were separating our mouths, and he spoke directly into my confession.

"You've come to the right place for a solution to that one, Babe."


	3. Chapter 3

**Ranger and Stephanie still belong to Janet. The inevitable mistakes are mine. Warnings for a little bedroom fun.**

**Chapter 3**

For a split second, I thought we were going to be struck by lightning for being outside when a freak Autumn storm's about to hit, but turns out ... the flashes of light I was seeing were strictly behind my own eyes after I closed them when Ranger's mouth slanted over mine.

He was clear that he wasn't going to add any pressure to anything involving me tonight, but as soon as I pushed my last boundary completely out of our way ... he immediately began stoking a different kind of tension. To add credibility to how completely Ranger alters my senses, I thought him deepening our kiss had me defying gravity and going weightless. Only when I felt heat that was all around us and not just emanating from his big body, did I realize my sensation of flying was due to him standing up from his seat, with me still in his arms and him still kissing me, and taking us back inside the house.

When he did end the kiss so we could make our lungs happy, I did a mental calculation of steps it'd take to get us up to the bedroom from where we are now. That seems like too long a wait to have him, so before he could move us beyond the living room, I spoke up.

"_Couch_," was all I could get out before going back for more and kissing _him_ this time.

He really is a superhero. While I can barely function whenever his attention is turned on me, he's able to navigate the house with very little light and simultaneously turn my brain and body to warm, squishy mush. He didn't head to the couch like I'm now desperate for him too, he kept going until I felt his body change motion as he took the stairs.

"You just admitted to wanting to sleep with me forever, Babe. That starts tonight and it won't be taking place on a couch. The way I want you right now, I know I won't have enough strength left in me to carry you to bed when we're done."

Gulp.

It drives me absolutely nuts watching my mother unwrap Christmas or birthday presents. She peels each piece of tape off of every friggin' edge of wrapping paper, and she smooths out each crease so thoroughly … by the time the box holding her present is removed from its covering, the sheet of wrapping paper looks almost as perfect as it did coming off the roll.

Every holiday ... I sigh, cluck out an exasperated '_hurry up_' sound before resorting to just telling my mom to hurry up already so we wouldn't all be stuck there so long, we'd be able to celebrate the same holiday a year later. I realize now that her goal was to control the celebration and her reaction to anything she could be surprised by. _Her_ taking things so slow, I get now, _wasn't_ because she wanted to enjoy every second of the moment with her family.

No surprise, _Ranger's_ motives are the polar opposite of hers. How gently he set me down in the bedroom and took care of me afterwards showed me in agonizing-slow detail, the difference between _controlling_ and _savoring_ time. He didn't drop me on the bed and peel off my clothes before opening his just to take the edge off what we're both feeling. _No_ … this time together feels like another first. We've been naked together _a lot,_ which were all glorious and _very_ satisfying encounters, but this is the first time we're doing naked things as an actual couple. I thought I'd be the only one seeing this from a new perspective, but clearly Ranger wants this to be _soooo_ good, there will be _no_ going back for either of us _ever_.

After my feet had hit the carpet, his hands and/or lips never once left me. His head bent to mine and his fingers found their way under the hem of my shirt. Even then, he didn't head straight for my breasts … a favorite of his. He ran his fingertips lightly across my stomach and ribs until I almost leapt back into his arms and begged him to put my hormones out of their misery.

"Easy, Babe," he said into my neck.

"Easy for _you_ to say, you're still able to form actual words."

"You seem to be doing okay on that score. I'll have to do better."

I guess I _was_ able to talk too much until he upped his assault on my pheromones. I was squirming long before he was done teasing my mouth and every inch of the skin under my shirt, and got started removing what's covering it. I inadvertently prolonged his touch-torture by trying to tug his clothing off … or at least out of my way, but he always hit the brakes on whatever he was doing until I stopped.

"This is supposed to be a _two-_person sport," I whined, as he stepped back yet again when I went after his belt buckle.

"It is, Babe, but if you touch me … it'll be over faster than I think this should be."

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him close. "I should get a vote, and mine is that I'm willing to risk it," I said, trying to persuade him over to my way of thinking with a kiss or three.

But he is who he is for a reason. He has willpower, as well as abs and an ass, of steel. He took over my teasing kiss and had my mind not on anything except prolonging it. I did score a minor victory because we were both on the bed before I knew we'd even moved, though I didn't let my diminishing faculties deter me. Once I realized that Ranger's within finger's reach, I decided to go on the offensive and actively work to get _him_ distracted so he'd stop distracting me from our goal. It worked, but only for a few minutes. I wrangled us both out of our shirts, but that just got him zeroing in on my skin again.

"_Ranger_ …" I panted out, as he traced the cups of my bra with his lips without removing it.

He lifted his head and made my heart stop when he grinned down at me. "Yes?"

"I came with you out here, you currently have me in your bed … it really is okay to stop teasing me now. I'm definitely not leaving."

"I'm not teasing you, Steph. I'm _loving_ you," he said with a skimming of his lips into what little cleavage my non-Wonder bra created.

I surrendered at that point. Hey, if he wants to spend hours turning me into a five-course meal, who am I to deny him? Although the 'teasing' continued awhile longer, I didn't object or obstruct. I may have thought I was using the feelings I have for him to help him get through a difficult time, but really Ranger was in complete control of what he wanted me to feel … and he wanted me a whole lotta hot for him. His lips left mine and started moving down my body, inch-by-lip-traced inch, leaving whichever spot he'd stopped at without clothes and fully ready for whatever he chose to do next.

He kept one hand on my breasts, teasing my nipples with his fingers as he used his other hand to somehow work the button free and zipper down on my jeans. Only when those were open did he require two hands again. But he returned to kiss my breasts and then my mouth before taking his shirtless-self down to the foot of the bed. Even then, he didn't just yank my sneakers, socks, pants, and the rest off, like I would've told him to. _Noooo_, he removed my sneakers and socks, but did a sexy foot massage-thing that curled my toes as much as his mouth on my breasts did.

"_Ranger_ ..." I moaned again, when he carefully placed my left foot back on the mattress only to pick up my right one and start the process all over again.

"I warned you that a couch and a quickie wasn't going to cut it tonight."

Just to prove that, he kissed my stomach and his tongue did a lap around my navel. From there, he kissed a path from my belly button down into my opened jeans until he hit more material.

"We bypassed quickie _more_ than ten minutes ago," I told him. "When do I get to start playing with you?"

"Maybe after orgasm two."

He gave me a mix between his wolf grin and hundred-watt smile, and I was sure that alone caused one of those orgasms to be checked off. I did get free access to trace all the muscles in his arms as he finally began sliding my jeans off. But when I was lying there in just my panties, he decided the entire length of both legs need as much attention as my breasts and feet did. He kissed his way from ankle to inner thigh, pressed his mouth to the fabric still covering what he's saving until last, and did the same thing down my other leg, just starting at my thigh and literally going down me.

When he reached my left ankle bone, he sat back and scanned my body from the ground all the way up. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I did feel that he was loving me with his eyes as he had done with his hands. I held my arms out to him and that finally led to what I wanted. He left the bed for a beat to ditch his boots, socks, and cargos, before rejoining me … and apparently resuming the torture.

My panties were discarded and replaced with his mouth. From what I can remember before my orgasm reached lift off, there's _nothing_ lizard-like about _Ranger's_ tongue. There isn't anything frantic in his pace either. I tried to lasso him with my legs when my brain kicked in again, but he wasn't done with me. He began exploring my body again like he hadn't just kissed, licked, or sucked on, almost every part of me. He must've come to the conclusion that my arms, neck, and sides, didn't get adequate attention the last go-round. _Now_ I understood what he meant. Even though I'd already combusted twice, every time he shifted his focus from one side of my body to the other, I could feel him hard, hot, and heavy, rubbing against my skin ... and I want him _inside_ _me_, no longer playing hard to get by staying just out of my reach.

Using an abbreviated-version of a triangle chokehold he'd shown me himself on a mat in the gym at Rangeman, I finally got my way with him. "I've got you right where I want you. You're mine, Batman," I said, aiming my words at what I could see of the top of his head. "It's time you accept that."

I may have _greatly_ misjudged who had the advantage here. My hold on him had his head between my legs again, and he didn't ignore that fact or his position. He began a counter move that is _not_ part of _any_ self-defense lesson I've ever been part of. My legs became jelly again and released him to fall uselessly on either side of his shoulders.

"I _am_ yours, Babe. And I accept a whole hell of a lot more than that knowledge. I want _everything_ you have to give."

Those words shouldn't have been flirty, but they were said as he finally slid into me. He's the only person who has touched places inside my body and in my mind that no one had ever reached before. When he began moving, I did my best to keep up. He had a lift off of his own, but before I could congratulate myself for giving as good as I got, I was joining him.

I fell asleep thinking how right we both are, not only for each other, but that I _did_ want to go to sleep like this every night for the rest of my life, and I definitely _did_ come to the right place to ensure that's what I got.

I woke up an hour later shivering, as a breeze blew through the screen from a partially open window. Lying against Ranger's big body had me feeling pretty toasty, but that was only my front. My back, even with the covers doing their job by covering me, I felt goosebumps form with every chilly gust that was funneled inside. After a Ranger/Bulgari combo, _nothing_ smells better than crisp Fall air - day _or_ night - but I never enjoy being woken up, least of all by a drop in the temperature. That window needs closing. Hopefully Ranger won't get too hot because I was too cold.

The problem with making me more comfortable is, I don't want to disturb him. I can never tell when he's awake or asleep, he's a man who leaves _a lot_ of question marks in his wake, and my moving could make him move regardless. As if challenging me, another cold breeze made a beeline straight for me. That settled it. My plan was to slide each body part a half-inch at a time towards the edge of the bed so he wouldn't feel a difference with me here or gone, but the second I peeled my body away from his skin, his arms shot out as if they were attached to springs, and captured me ... effortlessly halting my departure.

With one glance at his face, I saw that his dark eyes are still closed, but that didn't mean anything. His reaction could be a conscious or unconscious one. To cover either case, I spoke barely above a whisper after pressing a reassuring kiss to the bicep closest to my lips.

"Save my spot. I'm just shutting the window. I'll be right back."

He didn't say anything so I'm guessing he's more asleep than awake. I carefully worked myself free and hurried out of the bed, hoping that I can get back to him before he completely woke up. I stayed buck-naked, but I did grab his shirt to cover the parts I don't want anyone but him to see. If by some miracle someone hadn't tripped the security system here and saw me naked and framed in the window, he wouldn't live long after Ranger got his hands on the peeper.

That visual had me shaking my head at the sheer stupidity that is Joe Morelli. He liked to try to piss me off by calling Ranger an unfeeling, unemotional robot … among other things, but that always had me laughing instead, which totally fucks with Joe's head, making him tuck his tail between his legs and disappear not long after. I can't help but laugh because it _is_ funny. Ranger is the most loving, affectionate, and reactive, man I've ever met. He just lets only a personally selected few know that about him.

I was holding his shirt horizontally against me, gripping both the collar and the hem right above boob level, so I didn't have the best grip on the edge of the window and it slid into the sill with a soft thud. I wish I didn't still have the 'reactive Ranger' thought in my head. I swear it conjured up the scene that I caused by being so careless.

I didn't hear anything, but a movement behind me had me spinning towards the bed. Ranger is now standing by his side of it, completely naked and not giving a shit that he is, pointing his Glock at me … or more accurately, at the offending window. He was there, but I can tell part of him isn't. I literally watched him come back into himself and to me.

His eyes closed, he took breaths so deep, I could see the rise and fall of his bare chest from where I was standing across the room from him. And my heart squeezed painfully as he lowered his weapon and sank without making a sound down heavily on the edge of the bed. For the first time, the feeling his naked body caused in me wasn't mind-numbing lust, it was unadulterated pain and more than a little sadness.

In that moment I could feel every ounce of the weight he carries around with him all day, _every_ day, and into every night, from all the people he's lost and those he couldn't personally save. I want to run to him, throw my arms around him, and promise him that I'm here for whatever he needs from me. But even after what we've recently shared … I'm not sure he'd appreciate that.

He knows that it's me here in the bedroom with him - that's why he didn't shoot - but he's such a private person, he may not like me seeing him like this either. I debated for a total of three seconds, which means that's three seconds I wasted, because I can't see him in pain without trying to ease it somehow. I hauled bare ass back to the bed, but hesitated again when I reached it.

"I don't know what to do," I admitted. When it came to our relationship, just saying we don't know how to fix something, actually helps fix it, so I felt less stupid for being at a disadvantage. I crept a little closer on my knees and just kept going. "Do I hug you and hold on tight like I desperately want to? Or am I supposed to leave you alone? I'll warn you now, _that one_ is going to be _really_ hard for me to do, but if that's what _you_ need, I'll try to manage it."

He still didn't say anything so I risked touching him. My hands went cautiously to his shoulders and I began trying to work out some of the tension I can plainly see tightening all the muscles along his back. After a minute of cricket-chirping silence as I continued my massage, his arm snaked out and he took me down to the mattress.

I stopped worrying at that point. He wasn't wrestling me 'to the ground' in order to subdue me, and he wasn't pushing me away. He got us both rolled over to our left sides and he just held onto me as tightly as I'd threatened to do to him. When I felt his heartbeat go from NASCAR fast down to a much slower _Stephanie-jog_ speed against my back, my voice ventured out of the darkness to ask …

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," he answered, without needing to think about it. "I'm sorry I scared you."

To try to distract him from his misery, I went with my usual inappropriate humor. "I believe that's _my_ line to say. I'm sorry I was so fucking clumsy."

I don't know if it's too early in our relationship to talk about what just happened, but I feel like I have to try … trusting he'll tell me to shut up about it if he feels at all uncomfortable.

"You're always awake long before me," I began, "so I haven't had many opportunities to watch you wake up … but is it always like that for you?"

"No. If I'm aware and in control of my surroundings, I can manage and no one can see what's going on inside of me, but …"

"But when you're in a different place, with someone so careless, you wake up on high-alert and expecting to engage in a fight to the death. I'm so sorry I hurt you, even accidentally."

I feel horrible. Because of me, his night wasn't the peaceful one I'd planned for. I thought I was helping him by being here and listening everything he wanted to say, and I just caused him unnecessary pain instead. _I_ couldn't say anything now, because I didn't want to start crying and make things even worse.

"You did not hurt me, Stephanie. Do you know why I reacted the way I did?"

Still wallowing in being the worst girlfriend, only hours after officially becoming one, I nodded … not caring how angry my curls will be from the friction between them and the pillow.

"I don't think you do," he said into my ear. "I'm not used to sleeping or staying asleep. I woke up completely disoriented because this has been the first time in a long time that I've had a sound and dreamless sleep. It took me a moment to leave it and realize that the noise I heard was from a window and not an enemy. I should thank you for that. You had me completely relaxed and finally off-guard."

I had to bite back a sob before I could speak. "But then I ruined it and you had to go to war again in your mind."

He kissed my head. "You didn't ruin anything, Babe. You reminded me that I can still feel normal … if only on occasion."

This time I nodded my head instead of shaking it negatively. I made a mental note to avoid all mirrors if I decide to ever leave the bed again.

"You _are_ normal … if in a superhuman kinda way," I told him. "That's actually what caused this. I wasn't focusing on what I was doing because I was busy marveling in how epically-wrong Morelli is."

His lips trailed along my shoulder, calming me down a little just from the contact. "I can't think of one thing he's been right about yet."

"True, but that isn't the point I was going to make. He likes saying that you don't feel anything, that you're a robot, when I know for a fact that you're actually the most compassionate person I've ever met. I mean, we're here because you really miss a bunch of guys you cared a lot about. I can feel the bond you had with each of them and that got me finally admitting what _you_ mean to _me_. You're soooo loving, it's freakin' contagious."

"You're always willing to see the best in me," he said when I finally shut up.

"Yeah, because I love the friggin' hell out of you."

"Don't delude yourself, Stephanie. I've cared about a lot of people that I've had to bury, and I've been able to carry on for them. If I lost you, in life or to death, I'm afraid I wouldn't have the will to try. If you'll remember, I tried to warn you that I'm sick, but I only hinted at how messed up I am so I wouldn't completely scare you off."

I owed it to him to completely digest that confession rather than just react to it. When I was done, I realized my final thoughts and my initial words are one in the same.

"You're not sick. You're strong in a way that has nothing to do with your muscles. I never could've admitted something like that, but because you did … I can share that I feel something very similar for you." I turned over in his arms so I could say this directly to him. "I've seen you get shot too many times, and come frighteningly close to dying in a few situations, the only reason I'm sane right now is because you're still here and you've always been right there for me when I needed help to fight my own demons. Do you honestly think I'd see you differently if you tell me you love me because I provide the same kind of peace for you?"

"Yes," was his immediate answer.

"Well mark this night/day as a doubly-historic one then, not only are we together from here on in … for the first time you're actually dead _wrong_ about something. I don't see you any differently for needing me like I rely on you, except that I fell asleep thinking I couldn't love you more than I did when you curled your body around me so I could drift off feeling all kinds of warm. But now I know there's always room for that feeling to grow."

I paused because that sounded like just a jumble of thoughts that didn't really make much sense, but I kept going. I felt like I needed to get all of my vulnerabilities out so he wouldn't feel alone if he had one or two himself.

"Just from this conversation, my eyes flew open to a lot of things I hadn't been aware of before." Again, that sounded stupid, but I continued on anyway … now positive he'll love me regardless. "I know what you've been through has been horrible in ways I'll never fully be able to understand, and the life you've had would be considered scary to most people, but I think you being a Ranger on top of being 'my Ranger' is why I trust you like I've never trusted another person. If _anyone_ is strong enough to survive loving me, it's _you_. And I've never admitted this to anybody before, and there's a chance I'll deny I said it now, but I've never once felt safe in my pre-Ranger life, but I actually believe _nothing_ can hurt me when I'm with you. If you can secure entire countries, I should be a bit easier to keep safe."

"What are you saying?" He asked.

"That if we didn't have the lives we've each had in the past, we may never have realized we need each other to have any kind of happy future."

I could feel his lips form a smile against my forehead before he kissed it. "So I _was_ right. My confession _did_ change how you see me," he said, like the smartass I know and love.

I had the urge to cry again, but this time from _relief_, not a painful amount of regret.

"Fine, Batman, you were right yet again. My vision has gone from 20/200 to 20/20 thanks to you … so looks like _I'm_ the one who should be thanking _you_."

I didn't give him a chance to argue. I slid my body over the length of his until he was on his back and I could straddle his hips. I eased myself down onto the instant reaction he'd had to my nipples hardening into his chest and the moisture he'd felt along his thigh, and then I lowered my mouth to cover his. My plan for the few hours we have left before dawn, is to show him the _magic_ that's hidden in the dark instead of the nightmares that are usually lurking in the corners of it.


End file.
